shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
