I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
