Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
