Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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