I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
