I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
