Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize