Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
