We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
