***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize