I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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