I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
