so that wasnt chicken after all
just tell him i said nine months
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
