I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
