I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
