Even the bartender felt bad for me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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