I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
