she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
