This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
