I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
