doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you had me at cake vodka
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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