I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
