Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if i can run in heels then i can drive
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
