we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
