I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
