I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
