Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
