im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize