I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
