the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
