Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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