fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
