I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
