How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
