It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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