i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
