Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize