You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
