I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
