I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
