I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
