fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
