sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
