I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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