I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
