youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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