Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
