you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
