I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
not ubering you a puppy
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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