That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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