random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
