I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
