you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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