She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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