I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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