I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
