I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
