i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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