I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
