You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
