Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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