the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
