my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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