the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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