Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
