Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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