please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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