I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
