i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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