he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
