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• (209): View more from California

  AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.

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• (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room

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• (917): View more from New York City

  i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate

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• (516): View more from New York

  Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml

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• (631): View more from New York

  I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick

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• (863): View more from Florida

  not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  “On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears

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