About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
