Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
